The 5-month countdown is ON

How is it possible for time to move so quickly? I always expect time to move at a faster-pace when I’m busy and enjoying myself, but as I get older everything seems to be accelerating at warp speed. Nothing has been more true about the last 2 months in particular, between work, play and planning I’m just YEARNING for time to pause and let me catch my breath. Originally I had hoped to be blogging every week or so, but obviously this doesn’t seem to be the case. But I’ll keep trying my best to keep up, it’s helpful to put these thoughts of mine into words and I’m happy to share pictures, ideas, new purchases and all the other fun things involved with planning my dream wedding. So, here’s a little re-cap:

After what was the most incredible bridal shower, I’ve been busy putting together my ThankYou cards with photos from our recent engagement shoot:

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My friend (and former roommate) Michelle was kind enough to take our engagement photos for us. Our weddings are actually on the same date, so it’s a shame we won’t be celebrating together, but we’ve helped each-other out by shooting engagement photos! I’ve known for a little while now that I’ve wanted to shoot in the fruit orchards in Niagara on the Lake when the blossoms opened and I’m so lucky that the weather turned warm when it did… we only had time to do our photos in May before work gets too hectic and because of the early spring this year, we were able to shoot on May 7th and it felt like it was the end of June. It was a strange experience being on the other side of the camera, poses that we’ll ask our clients to do seemed a little silly, but turned out really cute. It was a good test-run for me to realize that I have to work harder at just letting go and trusting our photographer.

Here are some of my favourite shots from the day:

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I had the most difficult time finding the right outfits to wear for this shoot. The shopping is pretty limited in my area and I’m definitely used to big-city selection. I actually wanted to find a dress that was closer in colour to the soft pink of the blossoms, but settled and bought a mint green dress instead. I nixed it at the last minute for this more casual outfit with the skirt and boots. It wasn’t my original vision for the shoot, but beggers can’t be choosers, and we’re trying to save as much money right now as possible. Speaking of saving money and not spending frivolously on new clothes, my second outfit cost a whopping $15 from good old Giant Tiger. Yes, you read that correctly. I tried it on and instantly loved it, and I think it worked perfectly for the more “nautical” themed shots we did near the end of our shoot:

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I love the shot we got with our little fur-baby at the end! I especially love that it was taken at the beach that’s 5 minutes away from our new house, we spend a lot of time there walking the dog, going for swims and watching the spectacular sunsets. It’s “our beach”. I’m happy with the photos we received and hoping to use them to make a guest-book for the wedding, or something of the like.

The one thing I have been dreading since I started organizing this shoot was being forced to look at myself at every different angle in a zillion photos and not be horrified by my lack of weight-loss. To put things quite simply, I have terrible body image issues. I have these incredibly high expectations of myself…I swore up and down that “whenever I end up getting married, I’m going to work my butt off at the gym and not have one single regret about how I look”. Well, hey, it’s 5 months until the big day and all I’ve done is fluctuate in weight.

I joined the gym in November, and have been going regularly. But my diet is great one day, terrible the next and I seem to be de-railing any sort of progress I make at the gym. At this point, I’m incredibly dissatisfied with myself and truthfully, I’m embarrassed. These past 7 months, I feel like whenever I walk into a room with family and friends they feel as disappointed in how I look as I do. That’s total paranoia, is it not? Either way, it’s a horrible feeling. I so badly want to surprise everyone and drop a significant amount of weight, but I’m going to have to find a way around this self-sabatoge I’m experiencing – there’s no other way around it. There is no one else to blame but myself! I knew that a wedding would be stressful in a lot of silly or even fun ways, but I didn’t expect all of the paranoia and self-doubt.

But of course, it’s not by any means all doom and gloom! I’m actually having so much fun with nailing down all the details and making all sorts of plans for the big day. in the next few months I hope to tackle the following:

-FInish the invitations

-Help select what Dan and the groomsmen are wearing

-Send a song-list to our DJ

-Figure out our vows for the ceremony

-Write a Thank You speech

-Do my hair and makeup trial

So I’ll keep you posted on how those things work out, and whether or not I make any progress with my crappy self-image issues and weight-loss. But for now, I’m quite content with pretty much everything that my blessed life has to offer 🙂

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